How will I know if my child is being racially bullied?

Your child may exhibit many signs if they are being bullied, or perhaps none at all. This is why it is always important to make time to regularly talk to your child about their day. However, you may notice some of the following:

• Coming home with cuts and bruises
• Torn clothes
• Being reluctant to go to school
• Asking for possessions to be replaced
• 'Losing' dinner money
• Reporting frequent illnesses that seem to have no medical basis
• Falling out with previously good friends
• Being moody and bad tempered
• Being quiet and withdrawn
• Wanting to avoid leaving the house
• Aggression with brothers and sisters
• Doing less well at schoolwork
• Not sleeping well
• Anxiety
• Hiding their ethnic or religious identity
• Changing their usual dress
• Being negative about or denying their ethnic background

My child says they are being racially bullied. What should I say to my child?

Spend some time talking with your child about what has happened. Reassure your child that they are not to blame and that you believe them. Share your own experiences or those of other people's that you know about. Encourage your child to talk to other people about what has happened as it is sometimes easier to talk more openly with someone who isn't your parent. Discuss with your child who else needs to know in your child's school or youth club.

How do I persuade my child to deal with racist bullying in a lawful non-violent way, rather than taking justice into their own hands? Whilst you can sympathise with the need for a young person to try and resolve their problems on their own, you should not condone the use of violence or threats. There are procedures in place to support people who are experiencing racist bullying, and if we don't use them, they will never work. Also, if the problem is not reported, we risk racist bullying not being acknowledged as a problem.

You must outline the possible consequences of their behaviour to your child, for example, certain behaviour could lead to them being excluded from school or even arrested. You could reinforce the school's behaviour policy, if the bullying is happening in school. It is also important that you inform the school so they can deal with what is happening. Whilst your child will want to feel in control of what is happening, explain to them that by taking the law into their own hands, they risk bullying someone else and so will become the one in the wrong.

What do I do if the school doesn't acknowledge the bullying as racist?

It is important that in a situation like this, everyone talks calmly to each other and really listens to what the other's opinions are. If you feel you are not getting the response you need from your child's Class teacher or Head of Year, you should ask for an appointment with the Headteacher. If you are still unhappy, put your concerns in writing to the Headteacher, and following that, to the Chair of Governors. Explain why you think the bullying was racist and ask the school to explain it from their point of view. Ask to see the school's anti-bullying policy and their race equality policy - both of which they must have by law.

If you still remain dissatisfied after the governing body have followed their complaints procedures, you can write to Children's Services. They would not reinvestigate your complaint, but would review how it had been handled to make sure it had received proper attention.

For further advice on complaint procedures, please contact the School Places Team, Children's Services at 5 Portland Square, Carlisle CA1 1PU. Tel: 01228 606999, 606930 or 601171

My child is experiencing racist bullying at their work experience/on the school bus.

In each of these situations, the first person to speak to is your child's school. Both schools and work experience providers have a legal duty to have a race equality policy and should have an anti-bullying policy.

My child is still being racially bullying and the school has done everything they can. What can I do next?

Talk to your child about what they wish to do next. You may want to consider contacting the County Psychological Service, Childline, the County Council's Equalities Officer or the Police.

Who do I do if my child uses racist language?

If you or others think the language your child is using is racist, discuss with them how hurtful this can be, not just for the person it was aimed at, but also for their whole family and community. It is also important to be aware of the language you use at home and the values you express to see if your child could be picking up on negativity that then gets them into trouble. Think about how it might feel from the other person's point of view, or if you were their parent, and talk to your child about this. There is useful information on www.cosatkid.org or www.britkid.org about words that are OK and not OK to use.

My child has been accused of racist bullying. I don't believe it and think it is an overreaction.

It can be hard to accept that your child has been accused of racist bullying. It is important that you have all the evidence and that you look at the definition for racist bullying. The term racist bullying refers to a range of hurtful behaviour, both physical and psychological, that makes a person feel unwelcome, marginalised, excluded, powerless or worthless because of their colour, ethnicity, culture, faith community, national origin or national status (DfES).

Sometimes people use racist behaviour without meaning to be hurtful or without understanding the possible consequences. In these situations it is important that we address not only the bullying behaviour, but also the racist element because whether someone meant it or not, their behaviour can cause hurt to not only the individual attacked, but also their family, community or group.

What do I do if my child is racist bullying?

It might be hard to believe that your child is being accused of racist bullying, especially if your child is denying it. However, it is important to be aware of all the evidence so you can talk with your child in an honest way and work with the school on a solution. It is important not to embarrass or ridicule your child, but they also need to know what they are doing is not only morally wrong, but also illegal. If the racist bullying is happening outside school, do inform your child's school and ask them if they can cover race equality issues throughout the school's curriculum and ethos. You may find it useful to look at some of the resources listed in this section for ideas on how to talk to your child if they are bullying.

Is racist bullying illegal?

Yes. Racism is illegal and the law recognises the seriousness of racism by requiring that courts should impose higher sanctions when an offence is aggravated by racist or religious hostility

My child wants to hide who they are and their background because they're frightened of being bullied

It is important that children have the opportunity to discuss their ethnic identity from a young age. They need to see and experience a range of ethnicities and cultures reflected in their nurseries, schools and wider community, as this can help build a sense of pride and confidence in who they are. Your child may find it useful to contact support organisations such as AWAZ, M-Unit or Cumbria Multi-Cultural Service, where they will get the opportunity to meet other young people who may be going through similar experiences. See our Website Links page at the bottom for contact details.

My child is being picked on because they're white. Is this racist?

Yes. All ethnic groups are protected from racism by law.

Is it racist bullying if the person being picked on is white but is from a different background?

It is racist if the bullying is about someone's culture, religion, nationality or ethnic background. For example, if the bullying is because the person is from Scotland or from Germany, it would be considered as racist bullying.

My white friend called his white friend a Paki. Why is this seen as racist bullying?

Using language that is meant as an insult would be viewed as racist, whether the victim is from a minority ethnic heritage background or not.

My white child has adopted the Rastafarian culture. Can they be a victim of racist bullying?

Yes, if they are being bullied because of the culture or ethnicity they represent.

My child accuses me of being racist. What can I do?

It is important to have an open but calm discussion with your child about why they think this. Listen to their views and accept that this is how they feel. Examine the language you use - could other people perceive it as racist, even if you feel it isn't? Use of a phrase like 'I'm not racist but....' is often followed by a racist comment.

Have a look at some of the resources and links on our Website Links page (at the bottom of this page) to explore the issue of racism, and let your child know you are doing this.

I'm interested in learning more. Where can I look?

See our resource pages in each section or see the Useful Links page for further information and ideas